Monday, February 27, 2012

my story...but not YET.

tonight - i asked this question.
when do our stories become our OWN?

when can you tell a story. your story.
in full....WITHOUT affecting {effecting?} whichever....another person?

there is YOU. and there are "characters"
in EVERYONES novel.
THEY are what makes the story interesting.
the dynamics more intense
our stories evolve around the individuals involved in our lives.
those just passing through.
those that remain by your side for a lifetime.
and everyone in between.

realistically.
our "people" MAKE our story.
they INTERTWINE.
nestle deep into our hearts.
become part of our souls.
hold the pen and paper.


so my question is this....
WHEN can you REALLY share this brilliant novel - and all the chapters within it
 WHOLE-HEARTEDLY
without involving our soul dwellers? :)
{for lack of a better word}

never.

we all  have a million stories....
{make that a million and ONE..}
and they involve others,
always.

personally....
EVERY. SINGLE. TIME....i wanna share - i stop.
i ponder.
and most often, i decide to stay silent. safe. "appropriate". & accepted. protective.


why?
'cause "THE STORY"
the EXPERIENCE.
MY LIFE -  it is not really ALL MINE.
it involves OTHERS - and their experience, their weakness, their strength, their conviction, beliefs, stories.
NOT JUST MINE
OUR STORIES - are not COMPLETELY our OWN.

our lives...
brilliant, un-edited, real.

one experience after the other. 
that make or break us.
and either way - we move on.
stronger, wiser...and raw.
ready.
just WAITING for the next moment - next CHAPTER -  that is willing and able to change us even more into the people that we are meant to be.
YET.
every. single time - we share our chapters  - we pull SOMEBODY out on the carpet.
if i have a "chapter" with my marriage.
CHRIS is a sitting duck.
so i hesitate.
if i have a "chapter"  with an employee.
SITTING DUCK #2.
if i have a "chapter"  with a child....
yet another decoy - sits still in the water....
friends - NEVER would i tarnish THAT sanctity, either.

so.....

we ponder.
and STOP.

silence.

no story telling, today.
saving that chapter for a later date....

'cause it is...
NOT just our STORY we are sharing...
always - it involves others.

ya know?

so often times we just don't tell.
we don't talk.
we look down. 
and
our stories stay locked up inside of us.
SCREAMING.
yet so VERY silent.

when do we get to OWN our stories? 
maybe now...maybe never.
so potentially -  in the end - our stories OWN US.
un-told.
still lying dormant in our hearts.
filled with passion.

we need to tell it somehow.
in some way.
art? 
abstract, cryptic - writing?
a close friend with mutual experiences?

reality is...

YOU have a right to YOUR part in YOUR STORY.
that IS yours - so carefully tell it the best you can....the way you know best.
with grace.
with heart.
with compassion.
with soul. 
....and most importantly - with a hint of protection -  for those you LOVE.

 because...
after all - the "love" chapters
of any sort - 
THOSE are the best.
hands down.
on every level. 

one day.
my line of laundry will hang.
my part will be told.

with colors that shine....off set by the "darks" that soaked up all the warmth.
it is a must.

one of my beautiful friends repeatedly reminded me this evening how DULL the JOY would be without the heartache.



how BORING our stories are without our precious "characters"?
friends, family, people....angels of sorts....
to challenge us.
to offer us insight.
to tear our hearts apart....or better yet - MEND THEM back together.

so....we should celebrate -  each and every CHARACTER in our lives.
each and every chapter.

those that have sparkled and helped US sparkle -  and ALSO those that are a little on the dingy side....
 clearly a thank you is in order to each and every person

no matter what happened.


brace yourselves...
for one day.
chapters will reveal themselves, one by one.
stories will be told.

'cause in the end - it IS OURS.
every part of it.
fall in love with it.
a novel unwinding.
consistently.
perfectly.
life.
my life, my story....
what is yours?






6 comments:

Bonita Rose said...

Angela... I loved reading this... I hv felt the same way.. I wanna write my book one day, but I always ask myself, is now the right time? How will so and so feel? How will my words affect them? So I wait. I wait.. but inside there is so much to tell. So much to share. Just so much.
xo thks for being you and sharing this.. it feels good u are out there feeling the same things I hv felt.. thank you for putting it out there..
I will keep this and re read it often.
U are wonderful. Happy Tuesday to you!
xo bonitarose

Noelle Reese said...

You know how many times i have complained about Bryan's son living here? About a million. This time I have tried so hard to just keep my mouth shut. Letting everyone know how mean he is never has helped. Your blog post helps me realize maybe, just maybe I am doing the right thing. Even though my FB page is private and he can't read it, it just didn't help right?
More to think about...
The ugly chapter in my novel really does not need to be thrown out there.
BIG HUGS to you Ang!

Carisa said...

i wrote a lot and then hit delete. <3 so i will just say this, you always give me something new to mediate on. and i love that about you.

Maren Benedict said...

I love you. And our overlapping stories! :)

VGurl said...

Omg This is all so true and it brought tears to my eyes,,Because we all have stories to tell,,,But the truth goes and it does say some things are better left unsaid.. I dont wanna hurt no more nor do I want to hurt. Because when we speak at times words do hurt !! Thank you for sharing this.

Jessica said...

Happy Day Angela!
Thanks for posting such encouragement on a regular basis. You are a dear.
please stop by to visit my blog and grab your award!
:O)
Jessica