Tuesday, November 9, 2010

i hesitate.

i have to admit.
i hesitate.
i hover my little arrow over the "publish" button.
for a long time. 
wondering if i should be so transparent.
do i let my heart fly free?

"being judged" is a little bit of a pet peeve of mine.
i have to be honest!
so knowing...
in one second you are taking absolutely everything you are feeling and just throwing it out there to those that are amazing, fabulous & sweet right along with the vultures, the judgers, the "first lifers" {hee, hee, -sorry} ....it's unsettling at times!

it is all really great when it is a pretty picture you are painting.
and i CAN paint pretty pictures with words :) 
any.single. time. i want to.


when it is not so pretty.
typically, i close my eyes.
toss up a prayer...
..and hope - with all my heart that what i am feeling makes a difference in ONE persons life.
just ONE.
that is all.

 one of my favorite quotes. 
{right stacy}
"Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to 

"What! You too? I thought I was the only one." 

this morning.
i woke up to emails.
sweet friends. new & existing.
my "what! you TOO" friends.
i love those kind.

women with empathy.
the ones who have lived and experienced so much that they want to take the time to feel what others feel.
the ones who are mature enough to not have to always have to paint a pretty picture.
the learners. 
the survivors. 
free of judgement.
the women that have endured.
time and time again.
the ones that really "get" it.
i am inspired by you.

my eternal gratitude.
for ALL the emails.
sharing your story - knowing i happen to have one of my own & trusting me with yours.

i love people with a story.
happy, sad and everything in between. 
{gives me the chills}

THAT is living.
feeling it, sharing it, knowing with your entire heart it will help on some level.
{right Eva?}

some days are off.
so what.
celebrate them by being off.
really, it is ok.
it is BETTER than ok.
you might be surprised.
being OFF can make you that much more real
and definitely...
that much more lovable.
perfection is SO very boring.
i'm just sayin'.


Diane said...

awesome post Angela!

Ohana in Bend said...

you pour out yr heart and you will always touch a heart. it is good to be vulnerable at times, and then receive that validation that you are not alone! you are a brave girl with much wisdom for your years!

cindy said...

Love it. It is so sweet and I appreciate your openness.
No vulture here.
No worries. Faith will get you thru:)

freetofly said...

Beyond thankful for your willingness to take a deep breath and click publish...So glad that we get to walk through this messy, beautiful, colorful, imperfect life together my sweet friend. You aren't the only one, I am not the only one. We are all out there walking around with different faces, different masks, different stories...But we are also walking around with many things that make us very much the same. What an amazing blessing friendship is. Walking by your side tonight! Ready to hold your hand through the pain or push you out of the way of any oncoming danger....love.love.LOVE.you.

cgargus said...

Angela, your post is amazing. Really. And very insightful. Thank you. The "you, too?" really does help. Makes me feel not so alone at times.

msullaway said...

Angela, this week is the anniversary of my father's death and every year I spend this time really looking at my life to make sure that I'm living it the way he taught me. One of the things I learned from him is that everyone of us -- EVERYONE -- has a story that needs to be told. Someone has to care enough to be there to hear it, share it, and celebrate it. I love your posts; and I love all the ladies out there who read and post along with you. You, and they, are proof that we are not alone and we are all living an amazing story, even when the off days might make us feel differently. Bless you!

BonnieRose said...

Angela, I know what you mean.. I really do.. Recently I shared LOTS about my life in a blog post, and I too hesitated about posting it... I've always been so worried about other ppl, how they will feel, should I really write that, will they know I'm writing about them?? That kinda thing.. then I realized... enough already... I always worry and think about others too much. Time to do what's necessary and right for me. I'm worth it after all.. and ppl either love me for me, or they don't. Sad experiences happy experiences and all. My life wasn't perfect no where near that.. My mom to this day has a hard time hearing my childhood was so miserable, but she wasn't there for a lot of it, and didn't realize. Her eyes were closed. She never had the same experiences I did even tho we lived in the same house.
So I understand how you are feeling.

I put it out there anyway.

Now, aft attending brave girls.. I recognize the value of being real, of being transparent.

It's the only way ppl get to know the real ppl we are.. down deep..

hugs to you xoxooxox
thks for sharing this...
Your words matter.
We read them.
We read them.

hugs bonnierose

see here for my post,

Sasha Holloway said...

Well I am always open and honest on my blog. I think I have suffered so much public humiliation as a child that I think I feel I have to have a voice. Like today I was VERY open .. and will continue to do so. It is unfortunate not many will see it that should, that can relate.. but I know it is there and what matters is .. I got it out.

Noelle Reese said...

I really love reading your posts. Some day I hope to meet you and hug your neck! I never really post much personal stuff. Maybe I should. I posted about Carlee on MySpace when she was born, maybe I should log in over there after all these years and post it on my blog? With a SUPER happy update 3 years later. :-)
I also have to say your blog is often open all day long over here! Your play list is AMAZING! I love belting out all these fab. songs! LOL

Mary Friederichsen said...

Today the tears will take over if I write to mcuh.

Thank you Angel, for being you and being in our lives in whatever form that takes...on-line or in person (those are fortunate people!)

God Bless!

Angie Blom said...

WOW some deep posts.. make me reflect on life.. I am one of those people that like to have the past in the past and live life for the future.. because you can't go back no matter how hard you try.. it doesn't matter what you did in the past because it lead you right to the place you are today.. you just have to make the best of what you have in front of you and change the outlook for the future for you, for your family. I had a good childhood of many ups and downs.. some aweful but I know today it has lead me on the path of being the positive person I am today. I don't want to change my past and what might have been. I see too many people blame the past for their lives and I honestly don't like that. You are the only one that can make the change.. you are the only one with choices of good or bad. It is always good to tell your story .. good or bad.. get it off you chest. almost like therapy.. I see your words and see some of my life flash before my eyes.. I have to tell you.. I am 10 years older than you and you my friend are so mature and wonderful.. I wish I had your drive and excitement for life back in my 30's. I, like many others feel like you have made a positive difference in my life and for that I am eternaly grateful for knowing you. One day will have to meet you in person to give you a big hug of gratitude. love you tonsXx Ang.

Kathy Floen said...

I love when you write, Angela! :) I love your blog and I really respect and love your real-ness. :) Is that a word? ;) Thanks for your awesome posts! :)