the heart wants what it wants....

"the heart wants what it wants" 

lisa hetrick one of my brilliant artists turned this sentiment in to me. 

thank.you. lisa.

the heart wants what it wants.

think about it.

i wish i would have used this in a conversation i had this weekend with a friend.

but. nope.....

instead of just summing it up in a short sweet sentence, 

i went on and on and on about a million things.

trying to explain.  trying to express....trying to understand...and tearing the situation apart with "reasoning"

when really - there is no "reason" ...just  feeling.

sometimes it is just in your heart. 

hearts feel. they don't reason.

the heart wants what it wants.

right, wrong or otherwise. 

it happens. 

your heart is where your passion starts.

with a feeling. listen to it. 

right away - cause no matter what...

your heart wins.

you can fight it.

shut it down.

shut it out,

ignore.

 but if it is deep inside your heart.

it will remain.

no. matter. what.

so next time.

as you you try to explain your feelings, your situation, your dreams, your actions....

remember this sentiment.

the heart wants what it wants.

and for that you don't have to make any excuses.

no regrets.

it is what it is.....

and there is a purpose for it.

and really....in the end....after all is said and done....

you can't change it anyway.

you wouldn't want to.

so go with it.

live it.

feel it.

and know that....

following your heart will always bring you to exactly where you are meant to be.

and again i can say...

THAT is a beautiful thing.

don't you think?

i hesitate.

i have to admit.

sometimes.

i hesitate.

i hover my little arrow over the "publish" button.

for a long time. 

wondering if i should be so transparent.
do i let my heart fly free?

"being judged" is a little bit of a pet peeve of mine.

i have to be honest!

so knowing...

in one second you are taking absolutely everything you are feeling and just throwing it out there to those that are amazing, fabulous & sweet right along with the vultures, the judgers, the "first lifers" {hee, hee, -sorry} ....it's unsettling at times!

it is all really great when it is a pretty picture you are painting.

and i CAN paint pretty pictures with words :) 

any.single. time. i want to.

but.

when it is not so pretty.

typically, i close my eyes.

toss up a prayer...

..and hope - with all my heart that what i am feeling makes a difference in ONE persons life.

just ONE.

that is all.

 one of my favorite quotes. 

{right stacy}

"Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to 

another:

"What! You too? I thought I was the only one." 

— C.S. Lewis

this morning.

i woke up to emails.

SO MANY EMAILS.

sweet friends. new & existing.

my "what! you TOO" friends.

i love those kind.

women with empathy.

the ones who have lived and experienced so much that they want to take the time to feel what others feel.

the ones who are mature enough to not have to always have to paint a pretty picture.

the learners. 

the survivors. 

free of judgement.

the women that have endured.

time and time again.

the ones that really "get" it.

i am inspired by you.

my eternal gratitude.

for ALL the emails.

sharing your story - knowing i happen to have one of my own & trusting me with yours.

i love people with a story.

happy, sad and everything in between. 

{gives me the chills}

THAT is living.

knowing....

YOU ARE RIGHT where you SHOULD BE. 

feeling it, sharing it, knowing with your entire heart it will help on some level.

{right Eva?}

some days are off.
so what.
celebrate them by being off.
really, it is ok.
it is BETTER than ok.
you might be surprised.
being OFF can make you that much more real
and definitely...
that much more lovable.
perfection is SO very boring.
i'm just sayin'.

sometimes. i am just plain confused.

WHO AM I, anyway? 

geez.  

sometimes it is SO CLEAR.

other times it is as mysterious as the black hole.

life can be confusing.

people are confusing.

situations throw me off ALL THE TIME.

{THAT is an understatement, but a good thing - don't get me wrong} 

i really don't know if i want to admit how confused i get sometimes.

i am confident and confused.

is that possible? 

at this age, aren't we supposed to be fairly clear most of the time. 

those important things like: 

who means what....

where your heart is....

what you stand for?

today - it occurred to me - the answer is maybe not ALL the time.

clarity comes and goes.

that is a beautiful thing because it challenges us. 

a.lot.

you never know for certain, because all the restoration we do of our "selves" consistently has a trickle down effect.

it trickles to every single layer of your complex soul. 

sometimes, things we thought we could deal with, we can't deal with anymore - or we just refuse to.

sometimes, the belief that we held dear - goes through  transformation to fit an even stronger belief.  

sometimes, one moment, has the ability to alter your life, significantly. 

 sometimes, a necessary occurrence far beyond your understanding emerges and leaves you trying to pick up all the pieces.

sometimes is seems like a tragedy....
but really - i promise you - and i promise myself - it isn't.

 a NEW puzzle is necessary - a NEW picture is to be painted - far more beautiful than the one that currently is hanging on the walls of your heart. 

 in order for you to grow. 

 things happen. 

and will continue to happen.

forever and ever.

amen. 

i read this today.

"....good is underneath every single thing that appears to be negative.  If we can know that good is all there is, including in a negative situation, then we will see a negative situation transform into all good.  Most people keep the good away from themselves because they label something as bad, and then of course, that become their reality.  But there is no bad in the Universe; it is just our inability to see things clearly from the bigger perspective.  Peace comes from knowing that good is all that exists."

WOWSA.

THAT'S a thinker.

agree - disagree.

either way it has the power to make a person contemplate situations at hand. 

&

it is all good.

i have seen tragedy - heart wrenching - tear jerking - all out hysterical tragedy turn into amazing miracles. 

it just takes time.

faith.

persistance.

and consistently knowing without a doubt that something greater than any of us is there. always.

my day just got a little less numb. 

i needed that.

sometimes writing it out is all it takes. 

i love life. 

it  really, really is a beautiful thing.

my hope for you.

beautiful distractions that lead you to questions and answers and then MORE questions.

it is the only way to live....

may heartfelt chaos be ALL yours.