it is....but it isn't.

 on one level everything is good.

 beautiful. stellar. amazing.

you hold true. 

you maintain.

you do what you can.

you just make it all lovely. like always.

stellar.

it's good, right?

but....

like an off beat country song.....

that everyone loves.

cause they just GET IT.

it's not all that OK.

it's off. 

beautifully off.

perfection is an illusion.

it does not exist. 

ever.

but you can MAKE it work.

cause you LOVE the people you want it to work for. 

it's a no matter what situation...

however...

at SOME point.

your heart.

gives up.

is pushed.

doesen't fit.

so....

you go. let go.

it's a must situation.

everyone can BEG you to stay. 

it works out for them.

perfectly.

you staying.

in the same place.

over. and over and over. 

it's a pretty comfortable scenario.

FOR EVERYONE.

....else.

so....

here is the simple truth.

YOU 

love me?

ok.

then.

i matter.

my efforts.

my faults.

my love.

my stupid sixth sense.

my in-ability to let go

easily. 

every single day.

life is so LIFE.

and i embrace it.

feel it.

don't expect anything different of me ever.

till you come up with something stupidly funny.

then i got ya. 

xoxo,

ang.

LOVE is what matters.

so. 

23 years ago.

this boy came into my life.

i knew at that VERY moment. 

i would not ever in a million years be the same.

insta-love.

my heart.

expanded. 

in an instant. 

life became.....well.....LIFE.

don't you love it when that happens?

 altering existence. 

becoming a mama.

but not the only way....to feel altered in this beautiful life.

good gracious - there are SO MANY ways to expand this heart of ours.

i think...

we wake up every morning.

the same - yet different.

because every little experience, conversation, interaction

changes us.

slightly.

or significantly.

sometimes poor decisions of our past.
come sneaking up.

right there, we face the reality of decisions we have made made...that hurt.

we are human...and love, life, and crazy...happen.

but at the same time.

it all comes around and there is a time and a place you have to stop hiding.

time to admit your insecurities, bad decisions, poor judgement 

...and just say you are sorry.

 life altered.

heart expanding.

freedom.

what was. is now simply a story.

an experience. 

never repeated.

life. 

don't ever say "never"

NEVER happens far more often then forever.

however.....
after all is said and done.

LOVE

is what matters.

7 months later.....

someday i will be consistent. 

but for now. 

i am not.

for now i am all over the place.

why?
because consistency is boring to me. 

always has been...most likely always will be.

{my poor kids} 

one minute they have bins full of matched socks, and underwear and clean clothes.

...the next minute. 

nada.

NOTHING.
but.....

they deal.

why? 

because they ALL know.

i am consistent with ONE THING.

LOVE.

it never leaves.... ever.
not for a second,

not when it comes to them.

i might flounder in my personal life.

i may not be the best wife, or friend, or business owner.

but....

my babies. 

pure consistency.

with LIFE.

i am ALL over the place. 

regressing. then progressing.

figuring things out.
but.....
with LOVE.
nope.
consistent.

i guess when it all comes down to it.
i hope  my un-conditional love is evident.

 no strings.
no expectations.
just here.
always.
no. matter. what..

life. 

good gracious. 

i had no clue.

 THIS life....

i love.

SO GRATEFUL.
good God. i am blessed.

at the end of the day.

LOVE.

love.

LoVe.

it forgives, it forgets, it accepts, it understands.
it holds zero expectations.
it lifts up.

judgement is a joke.

ACCEPTANCE is everything.
taking what is good and bad and understanding.
SO VERY BEAUTIFUL.
because not ONE SOUL has taken our journey.
not one.

everything in me wants to be perfect.

nothing in me is.

but i LOVE.

deep. and i hope in the end.

that means EVERYTHING.