full circle moment.

sometimes. 

we just want to 

SCREAM 

at the 

TOP OF OUR LUNGS...

everything about ANYTHING

 that we have ever endured.

every thought we have entertained. 

every emotion we have felt.

{and still feel} 

every wrong we have experienced -  and right we have decided...

not to mention every. single. moment.  our little souls have endured - 

regardless of right or wrong.

'cause it was necessary at the moment.

we "stuff" it all away.

like it never happened. 

we look away.

'cause ignoring is the only thing that saves us, temporarily.

we move forward, and try to forget....

however. that moment of truth comes around.
every. single. time.

eventually, as much as you fight it -  feelings just start to emerge.

...and even maybe START TO make sense.

THE BIG PICTURE becomes just a little more clear.

 ALL the stories connect. 

and MUCH TO YOUR SURPRISE - they are more in depth and entwined - than you could have EVER imagined.

'cause you had a tiny "whisper" to open up.

your story no longer is JUST YOURS.

kinda scary.

till you realize,

we are connected. 

fully.

by love. 

by similarities. 

by admiration. and understanding.

by what is to come, and by what has been.

so what is my point?

here you go.

let your love be driven by whispers.

let your similarities be vulnerable.

let your admiration run free...and your understanding be limitless....

and let what is to come be THAT MUCH SWEETER because of what HAS been.

do you really think you have come this far by chance?
nope.
YOU have come this far by PURPOSE.
own it.
embrace it.
use it.
'cause it is all yours for the taking.
there is NOTHING SWEETER in life than a full circle moment...
and the realization that it has arrived.
ENJOY.

 

how big are your BOOTS?!

Sometimes.

life wears BIG BOOTS.

i swear they are potentially size 26.

{that is big}

they fit snug and secure and know EXACTLY how to STOMP.

hard.

 RIGHT on top of your head....

or maybe even 

RIGHT IN FRONT of you so you fall into this abyss of a "boot print".

random.

but I KNOW 

but you can relate.

right?

you are just flawlessly meandering along.

and then WHAM.

without warning....everything FALLS APART.

case and point. 

BOOT PRINT #1.

so....

 you dig or climb your way out of the "HOLE" you had NO IDEA was coming....

it seems so completely foreign...

impossible to overcome. and just plain unfair. 

what you need to know is that WHILE you are being stomped on....

when things come at you from NO-WHERE - and take you DOWN
....hard.... 

YOU are also leaving YOUR MARK.

YOU have BOOTS of your own, baby.

your integrity.

your persistence.

your endurance.

your love.

your wit.

your EVERYTHING....

BIG HUGE BOOTS.

BIGGER than LIFE.

i promise.

lace em' up.
pull them on.

and don't let life get you down.

you are here to...

shine.

climb.
higher and higher...

and emerge.
consistently and persistently.

BIGGER than you have EVER BEEN.

YOU choose your "BOOTS"

so..
CHOOSE BIG.
&

fill em' up.
with style.
all your own.
make YOUR mark.
life belongs to YOU.
bigger than ever.
emerge.
forget the prints others think they can leave.
make your own.
THOSE are the ones that matter.

- it is one of my favorites. ♥

there are no accidents....

IIF it's appeared on your life radar, this is why: to teach you that DREAMS come true; to reveal that you have the power to FIX what's BROKEN and HEAL what HURTS; to catapult you beyond seeing with just your physical senses; and to lift the veils that have kept you from seeing that you're already the person you dreamed you'd become. ♥

...and believe me, that was one heck of a dream.

{my goodness i love this.}

nothing wonderful in particular.

exactly....

i could not have said it better myself {thanks, andy}

For most of life, nothing wonderful happens.

If you don’t enjoy getting up and working and finishing your work and sitting down to a meal with family or friends, then the chances are that you’re not going to be very happy.

If someone bases his happiness or unhappiness on major events like a great new job, huge amounts of money, a flawlessly happy marriage or a trip to Paris, that person isn’t going to be happy much of the time.

If, on the other hand, happiness depends on a good breakfast, flowers in the yard, a drink or a nap, then we are more likely to live with quite a bit of happiness.

— 

Andy Rooney

heart to heart kind of love.

today i watched my friend say farewell to her mama.

with love.

i watched her brave little self walk right up to the front of the church...

{after she sweetly removed her heels to maintain position}

and express out loud the love that existed for her mother.

she focused on the places

love IS. and where love WAS. 

she encouraged us all to love.

heart to heart.

just love.

today.

the love.

it is all that mattered.

she said it. 

she meant it.

she felt it.

it was so obvious.

so beautiful.

my heart over-flowed. 

with LOVE.

as she spoke. and others spoke. 

it clearly was out of love.

not one person in that church would disagree.

 her mama is heaven bound -  and through all the challenges and stumbles that existed....

love existed and will forever exist.

regardless.

today was influential to my soul...and made me think deep. 

{surprise, surprise, right? }

love. 

have i ever mentioned how much i LOVE love? 

i do.

today served as a HUGE reminder of that.

i reference....

that deep down, non-"convenient", KIND OF LOVE.

the love you feel so intense and pure that it penetrates into the abyss of the SOUL.

it persists.

through every single obstruction and challenge.

it is SO inconvenient, yet convenient.
it can be so fulfilling, yet so hurtful.
it can be so challenging, yet so easy.
LOVE is SO WORTH IT.

'cause TYPICALLY it runs so VERY deep.

deep.

deep.

deep.

down.

sometimes SO DEEP it hides, and then emerges at JUST the right time.

'cause it was always there to begin with.
kinda just meant to be.

THAT kind of LOVE makes you feel as though you know like you know.....

you have been connected FOREVER and EVER.

and always will be.

doesn't matter WHO you feel this love for...

your parents.

your babies.

your friends.

the people you choose to have life altering experiences with.
your family.

love is love.

that is what i think.

simple as that.

each SOUL that makes a mark on your life.

LOVE them.

LOVE them outloud. LOVE them silently.

LOVE them with gratitude.
just send it out there with every FIBER of your being.
no fear.

no matter how that LOVE ends up.
it is worth it.

because any source of LOVE at all is something to treasure.

it all stems in a place of pureness.
it has purpose.
heaven sent.

remember.

 the WAY you love someone can change.

as you drift away from one another or closer to one another.

it can change daily...sometimes HOURLY.

HA!

but if is was ever LOVE to begin with.

it will last for always - on some level.

love can fade.

 or even become a little lost.
it can SEEM as though you may NEVER find your way back to certain people you love....

but....

regardless of distance.

regardless of status.

regardless of circumstance.

regardless of ANYTHING.

on some level.

however faint.

true deep down simple love remains.

heart to heart.

{as sara reminded us} 

non-"convenient".

no expectation.
The kind of love that just resigns to 

accept you as you are...regardless.

the best kind ever.
Completely God - GIVEN. 

that kind of love. 

it sticks.

i love THAT - so very much.

xoxo,

ang.

another "moment" - and then another. and maybe one more.

sometimes i get stuck on things.

my favorites...such as....

my boys.
butterflies. 

angels.

magic.

love.

peace.

energy.

spirituality.

following my heart.

sappy stuff, right?

however - the most intriguing thing in my life...are my "moments".

CREATE THIS MOMENT.

{my self proclaimed blog title}

where did that come from?

i have no idea.

i don't know.

but it was MEANT to mean something to me, cause i just CAN'T move beyond the wonder of each moment. 

 each one. 

and the IMPACT they make. 

 the way they come full circle.

 the essence they hold to carry us through and TO the next NECESSARY MOMENT.

 THIS i know for SURE.

MOMENTS are ALL we really have.

and i have FINALLY started to treasure them.

good. bad. pain. joy.

all of it. 

embraced.
endured.

i have started pressing the "PAUSE" button.

live that. 

love that.

hear that.

know that.

FEEL that.

it IS POSSIBLE you know.

to pause. 

to let it ALL SINK IN.

i remember the MOMENT my oldest son was born.

the VERY MOMENT i first laid eyes on him.

single little mama.

just 19.

lost.

yet secure.
hurt & alone.
yet SO VERY STRONG.

all over the place.
yet FOCUSED.

i can CLOSE MY EYES and take myself RIGHT THERE.

that moment.

and it is ALL MINE.

recorded in my heart.

forever.

every detail.

in ONE MOMENT life came FULL CIRCLE.
LOVE took on a NEW MEANING.

i became part of him.
he part of me.

MY moment.
OUR moment.

moments significant.
or not so significant.
change us.
without warning.
THAT is a beautiful thing.
THAT is a tragic thing.
THAT is life.
moment by moment.

confusing, life altering, frustrating, endured.

moments. 

they can ruin you. 

they can MAKE you.

they can take your heart and set it in a holding place.

or

they can set your heart FREE to bigger and better things.

it is all up to you. always.

tonight.

i had several "moments"

all BEAUTIFUL.

and i STOPPED.

smiled.

and let myself "have" them.
for the FIRST time ever.

'cause here is a TRUE STORY.

no matter WHERE i have been in my life.

i have never felt "arrived" - NOT EVER.

i am constantly trying to live down all the mistakes i have made.

making up for my inconsistency.

my lack of detail.

my simple nature.

for lack of better words - in essence - i have never stopped the urgency to "prove myself".

i don't know WHERE that comes from - it is just me, i guess.

me against me.

so dumb.

i am kinda tired of being against me.

so TONIGHT...my moments...

they elevated me.

i ALLOWED myself to feel happy.

to feel the joy of others and let that take me to a place of contentment.

you should do that, too.

take a moment to "arrive" in simple non-arrogance.

just arrival.

'cause you have and all it takes is a moment of appreciation.

for where you have been, where you ARE and where you are GOING.

it's alright.

you CAN FEEL GOOD.

it is allowed.

and better yet - it is EXPECTED.

and it is ALL YOURS.

be proud. 

we all have moments we want to remember.

we chose to forget.

we can't let go of.

and we hope will NEVER HAPPEN.

it is the art of being human.

my hope for YOU.

is that in THIS MOMENT...you are at peace. 

you have love in your life.

...and you LOOK FORWARD to embracing each and every experience that will follow.

another "MOMENT" blog - sorry.

i just love this moment.

i hope you do too.

xoxo,

enjoy.

my story...but not YET.

tonight - i asked this question.

when do our stories become our OWN?

when can you tell a story. your story.

in full....WITHOUT affecting {effecting?} whichever....another person?

there is YOU. and there are "characters"

in EVERYONES novel.

THEY are what makes the story interesting.

the dynamics more intense
our stories evolve around the individuals involved in our lives.
those just passing through.
those that remain by your side for a lifetime.
and everyone in between.

realistically.

our "people" MAKE our story.

they INTERTWINE.
nestle deep into our hearts.
become part of our souls.
hold the pen and paper.

so my question is this....

WHEN can you REALLY share this brilliant novel - and all the chapters within it
 WHOLE-HEARTEDLY
without involving our soul dwellers? :)
{for lack of a better word}

never.

we all  have a million stories....

{make that a million and ONE..}
and they involve others,
always.

personally....

EVERY. SINGLE. TIME....i wanna share - i stop.

i ponder.

and most often, i decide to stay silent. safe. "appropriate". & accepted. protective.

why?

'cause "THE STORY"
the EXPERIENCE.
MY LIFE -  it is not really ALL MINE.

it involves OTHERS - and their experience, their weakness, their strength, their conviction, beliefs, stories.

NOT JUST MINE

OUR STORIES - are not COMPLETELY our OWN.

our lives...
brilliant, un-edited, real.

one experience after the other. 

that make or break us.

and either way - we move on.

stronger, wiser...and raw.

ready.

just WAITING for the next moment - next CHAPTER -  that is willing and able to change us even more into the people that we are meant to be.

YET.

every. single time - we share our chapters  - we pull SOMEBODY out on the carpet.

if i have a "chapter" with my marriage.

CHRIS is a sitting duck.

so i hesitate.

if i have a "chapter"  with an employee.

SITTING DUCK #2.

if i have a "chapter"  with a child....

yet another decoy - sits still in the water....

friends - NEVER would i tarnish THAT sanctity, either.

so.....

we ponder.

and STOP.

silence.

no story telling, today.
saving that chapter for a later date....

'cause it is...

NOT just our STORY we are sharing...
always - it involves others.

ya know?

so often times we just don't tell.

we don't talk.

we look down. 

and

our stories stay locked up inside of us.

SCREAMING.

yet so VERY silent.

when do we get to OWN our stories? 

maybe now...maybe never.

so potentially -  in the end - our stories OWN US.

un-told.

still lying dormant in our hearts.

filled with passion.

we need to tell it somehow.

in some way.

art? 

abstract, cryptic - writing?

a close friend with mutual experiences?

reality is...

YOU have a right to YOUR part in YOUR STORY.

that IS yours - so carefully tell it the best you can....the way you know best.

with grace.
with heart.
with compassion.
with soul. 

....and most importantly - with a hint of protection -  for those you LOVE.

 because...

after all - the "love" chapters

of any sort - 

THOSE are the best.

hands down.

on every level. 

one day.

my line of laundry will hang.
my part will be told.

with colors that shine....off set by the "darks" that soaked up all the warmth.
it is a must.

one of my beautiful friends repeatedly reminded me this evening how DULL the JOY would be without the heartache.

how BORING our stories are without our precious "characters"?
friends, family, people....angels of sorts....
to challenge us.
to offer us insight.
to tear our hearts apart....or better yet - MEND THEM back together.

so....we should celebrate -  each and every CHARACTER in our lives.
each and every chapter.

those that have sparkled and helped US sparkle -  and ALSO those that are a little on the dingy side....
 clearly a thank you is in order to each and every person

no matter what happened.

brace yourselves...

for one day.

chapters will reveal themselves, one by one.
stories will be told.

'cause in the end - it IS OURS.
every part of it.
fall in love with it.
a novel unwinding.
consistently.
perfectly.
life.
my life, my story....
what is yours?

YOUR moments.

a "moment."
we have all had them.
you know the ones....
they change you - EVERYTHING about you.
 forever and ever.
without warning.

i can think of several "moments" - that altered my very being.
i am grateful for them.
i resent them.
i love them.
i hate them.
i cry. i laugh. i learn.

once upon a time - i read...
somewhere, one of my "loo, loo" books...
that our very souls rest in heaven....
just wanting, yearning, needing....more than anything to experience the "moment"....
this life.
again.
and the DEPTH of the emotion that goes with it

i LOVE to believe this....
'cause i love the idea that...perhaps...
at some point over and over again.
our souls...
sit in perfection. paradise. just so much WANTING....
to be HERE.
life.
yearning.
for the laughter.
for the pain.
for the joy.
the LOVE.
for the sadness.
for the "moment"

IF it is true....
i guess. - i GET it, with all my heart.
my soul would want this.
what i have.  what YOU have.
over and over again....
oddly enough.
wouldn't YOURS?

i LOVE my "...moments".
all of them.
good, horrible and otherwise.
{and i assure you - we have all had our even share}

so next time.
that shocking, life altering...tragic...exhilarating...heart breaking...crazy...never before
"moment"
comes around.
stop.
feel.
learn.
endure.
accept.

'cause it is YOURS.
wholeheartedly.
100%.

embrace it.
with ALL that you are, all that you have been, and all that you WILL be.
'cause THOSE moments define you.
they alter you.
they put you in the moment of "becoming"
YOU.

and once again i will say....
THAT is a beautiful thing.
so. VERY. beautiful.
no matter what.

xoxo,
ang.